Meeting high-quality men in 2021 is not only difficult, it can sometimes seem impossible for career-oriented women who do not need to put up with anyone else’s bullshit but their own in life. Meeting men is easy but high-quality men who match the standard you set for yourself is a feat. Especially when you are doing all the so-called “work” on yourself so your issues, past trauma, and triggers are kept in check. We make our own money, understand how to invest in stocks/bonds (a former boys club), and we are slowly on the incline to being granted more positions of power in the business world. We no longer need men to provide us with security, we are stable. Yet, we truly enjoy men and are attracted to them, therefore we see the inherent value of being with someone in a long-term partnership. We don’t need saving or a Prince Charming, and Disney isn’t real, it’s animated brainwashing of children. We all realize that relationships should be an equal split of complementary goals, lifestyle, skills, empathy, chemistry, and compassion for one another. Where one person inevitably will lack the partner fills that gap to make things more whole for the betterment of each other. This is what a healthy, adult relationship looks like.
However, while we stay open to a potential partner and someone we could truly love and be loved by we are constantly being bombarded with Fuckboys posing as the elusive high-quality man. Boys dressed up in Men’s clothing (and sometimes still in boy’s clothing). Grown-ups but now grown, riddled with Mommy issues and a secret disdain for all women they themselves will never admit. They get their heart broken once and now hold a grudge against commitment forever. The types of men who can make you feel as though you are anything but a unique woman with values but simply a number, a body, and another notch on their belt. They will tell you everything you want to hear because you are honest about your intentions but they will never act on their wordplay. They are only with you to validate their as fragile as a pre-cracked egg male ego. These Fuckboys are treacherous and make it much harder for the good men with pure intentions to break through to the women searching for them. Women end up becoming jaded by these fuckboys, losing all trust in words, and then slowly shutting down their own hearts completely out of fear of being toyed with yet again.
It’s a ridiculous state of affairs we are all in. The digital age has led to women becoming more and more independent from men. This has made a large portion of men turn against us rather than play on our team. Instead of seeing us partners, they see us as objects without feelings. They fight emotional wars against commitment, making plans, or showing one iota of respect for our precious time. They refuse to acknowledge how much we as women all collectively have to go through to make a living in this world that has been geared towards men for as long as well all can remember. They love women as much as they secretly hate them because they are confused about where they stand in this new world where we don’t need them anymore. If we don’t need men then men don’t need us. Their Bro’s and their “friends” (typically these are girls who need a lot of male validation and want to fuck them so fuckboys keep them around just in case) become the most important thing in their lives and not finding a high-value partner to create a new identity and community with. Lost little fuckboys roaming the earth, waiting to waste your and my time.
Nevertheless, as per usual as women we must alter our behavior with men in order to get the results we want in life. In this article, I will describe three ways you can get better at warding off the inevitable fuck boy. All while still putting yourself out there and being open and ready for true l o v e baby!
3 ways to protect your heart and maintain your sanity
- No excuses
- Rope = Hang
- K.O.P (Keep Options Open)
I recently had a tragic dating experience with a fuckboy who lives a few hours away from me. However, you’d think he was in Iraq not Quebec by how difficult he made making a plan to see me in Montreal, where I currently live. We met in Montreal, he said he wanted to come back to see me as soon as possible. This is why I gave him a chance to prove himself and follow through as I am not into a one-night stand/fling at this stage in my life (which I made clear to him). He then continued to feed me nothing but lies and excuses over the course of 2 weeks instead of making a plan to see me. He is full of problems and not solutions. Says he wanted to see me but never actually… well, sees me! It’s become comical at this point how ridiculous these types of boys are. Excuses, when there is one there will be plenty more to follow but only if you allow it.
The biggest mistake we can make is to allow someone to give us excuses and not solutions to their problems. These types purely want your attention because it validates their ego and makes them feel more fuckable. The more women they can socially interact with the more virile they feel (no matter how little or big their actual dick is validation is god for these types of “men).
If a man wants to see you, he will see you, even if he lives in Iraq! He will make a plan, his words will be quickly followed by his actions and he will make time for you. It’s that simple. No more excuses.
Rope = Hang
The best way to tell if a man is worth your time is to allow him to truly be himself. Don’t press him, simply ask him questions, let him take his time to think about things you say, and see what he chooses to do with himself and his time after that.
For example, a guy tells you that he lives a healthy lifestyle then after one week of chatting you realize he’s out almost every night of the week partying with his friends. You have given this person enough rope to hang themselves with. The rope is simply time and time will always tell the truth. It’s always actions over words. Words are used to describe things we have done or plan on doing in the near to immediate future but actions show someone’s true feelings and intent.
Give them all the rope they need to hang themselves. This way you can avoid giving anyone all of your time/attention before you see their character. It’s lynching season ladies & gents and if you find have any rope leftover with the right man for you, I highly suggest light bondage play with your new partner. An excess of rope means no one got hung and that is a serious success!
K.O.P (Keep Options Open)
This is one thing I have suffered being successful with in the past. It’s taken me many years (20 exact) of dating to finally understand the art of keeping your options open when you meet a new guy. I tend to no longer find myself attracted to other men when I feel like I may have potentially met the right one for me. I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe in lust. That shit is real and it’s really hard to be lustful over more than one person at a time when you are monogamous. This is also coming from someone who used to thoroughly enjoy polyamoury! What can I say? People can and do change. Now that I’m monogamous, I have to remind myself that dating is not sleeping with others and totally allowed. It is totally okay to get to know other people at the beginning of any new relationship with a total stranger.
One thing that helps the most is not shutting down any of your current or future options until you’ve had enough time to really get to know someone. If the man you are dating is really for you, any other date you go on will only bring you closer to him and vice versa. Dating is a very healthy stage of any relationship, it’s important to want for each other and still know you can choose someone else but if your connection is strong then ultimately, with time, you won’t want to be out with anyone but the person for you.
Keeping options open is also a great way to recover faster, and not become jaded when you’ve had the unfortunate experience of being with a fuckboy. You can be on a date with a polite man, who makes a plan, and respects women in a flash because you didn’t shut yourself off to other opportunities. Good men, they are out there, it’s not all fuckboys. Even if that good man is ultimately not for you, it will restore your faith in humanity so you can keep moving forward in a more positive headspace.
Relationships in 2021 are harder to get into than be in, part of this is due to fuckboy culture, another part is due to the changing of female roles and our newfound dominance in society. Relationships used to be hard and very easy to get into. With the right partner, it’s not as much work as it once was to maintain a healthy power balance because both partners can ultimately fend for themselves and because of this bring more into each other’s lives. We now have many more options than ever before between apps and real-life social interactions. Just remember, that as many options as you think you may have in your life male/female at the end of the day a true and pure connection is rare, and should be valued, handled with care, and respected.
About Me: I’m Tiffini Truth, an abstract artist, writer, and host. I write for various publications about sexuality, art, and culture. Follow me on Twitter , or Instagram for updates. Subscribe to my Patreon to become a collector of my abstract art prints.