Dating in 2021, somewhere between the pre/post and beginning of an all-new pandemic. Scattered in between lockdowns, Zoom meetings, and the general push to do absolutely everything online. Fragmented highlight versions of our lives are accompanied by people’s overly inflated online egos on dating apps. How is one, who actively tries to separate online persona from reality to keep up with this distorted sense of reality we are all living in as single women? We are denied more online than we ever would or could be if we just seized more opportunities in reality at single men in our area. Yet, we are pushed into this realm of dating hijinks due to a shattered economy that left most bars/restaurants/events/live music completely out of business and still struggling to return to “normal”. Meaning we can not mingle and be single in group settings as we were once accustomed to. If we don’t meet men online, then how are we to meet men in real life? We end up saying, “fuck it”, we put ourselves out there in hopes of the best (potentially finding someone who aligns with your lifestyle) yet we are saddened to realize that men in 2021, stopped trying to impress us ages ago. It’s no longer a question, it’s a fact that a much percentage of single men these days feel they no longer need to make any effort at all to date women. Oh, and dating is actually just code for fucking.
Dating is a casual way to get to know someone before you have a physical relationship. Dating usually leads to nothing but kissing frogs for women, and for men, it might lead to them getting laid by a woman who’s just so tired of kissing frogs that she gives in to her sexual impulses over her real-life, longer-term desires for a partner. Personally, I like dating, I enjoy that we no longer need elder chaperones to approve of the men we simply would like to get to know. However, I do not like hook-up culture. Dating and hooking up are becoming far too intermingled in today’s society and that is where the biggest problem forms for both men/women. To go on a date does not equal sex. Quite the contrary, it means you are interested in actually getting to know a new person, with zero preconceived notions of what things may or may not be. All you know on a date is that you are attracted to this person and you want to know more. Sure, some first dates can lead to sex if the chemistry is right but that’s not the sole purpose of dating. Got it, you fucking morons? (I say this to those who are most likely not reading this article because they are only interested in vanity likes/matches online) I see this on both male/female sides and it really irks me (if you cannot tell already?). People have such a low bar for sexual gratification that they no longer can understand the difference between getting to know you (previously called courtship) and hook-up.
Hooking up is also very casual except there is one key defining factor that makes it very different from dating. The intention. On a hook-up, you are there with the sole intention to get some sort of sexual gratification for the effort you spent to meet up. You are exchanging your time for a physical reward on a hook-up. “Let’s go for drinks!” means, if we get along then we will be hooking up later. No questions asked. It’s not about looking at someone as a potential partner for the future. It’s about, who turns you on right now in the moment. Act now and ask all questions later when it comes to real compatibility. You won’t know their last name, what they do for a living will remain fuzzy, and outside of a purely physical desire or loneliness, you will sacrifice an emotional connection and sometimes an intellectual one just for S E X. Nothing wrong with that, in fact, it’s an excellent way for people who have not had a lot of sexual experience to educate themselves on what turns them on. However, that’s all a hook-up is. Sure, it could lead to more if you start to develop feelings for that person, but these are more rare occasions.
Our society has completely forgotten how to date as a whole. Men have forgotten that if they are straight, they still need to make the effort to meet women and treat them as though they are worth that effort. Women have forgotten that if they are straight, they do not need to chase men, they just need to cultivate themselves and interested men will follow. Online dating is not necessarily the problem. It’s the symptom of a much bigger cause. Which boils down to laziness and ego. People want a maximum return in life for as little effort as humanely possible. If it looks like work, then most people run. When, in the past, hard work actually got you places in life. You’d rather match with someone just to feel like you are still fuckable rather than engage in a deeper than small talk conversation.
I’ve got some news for you. Good things, truly good things, in this life, take time, effort, and consistency. Nothing good comes easy, if it does, it’s not going to last. Ever heard of that old adage, “Easy come, easy go”. Remember this the next time you go on a date.
About Me: I’m Tiffini Truth, an artist, writer, and sometimes host. I write about sex, art, and culture. Follow me on Twitter for daily updates. Check out my Patreon to become a collector of my art prints.