This has been quite an eventful week. I traveled back to LA for the first time since I moved to Tijuana over a year ago. LA used to be everything to me. It was my main source of inspiration for fashion, music and art. Since moving away it no longer holds that same appeal. I take LA now by bits and pieces. I never thought I’d say this but I’m actually really happy I made the move to Tijuana. At first I thought placing myself in obscurity was simply out of necessity to get away from all I was accustomed to before. Now, coming back home to write today’s Blog I realize that Tijuana currently holds so much more than just self imposed isolation I craved at first.
Today’s look was all ordered online via Aliexpress when I lived in LA. Going through all my old wardrobe was such a head trip. Your clothes really are the best timeline for your life. Wardrobe is always the biggest indicator of change. The majority of the clothes I had left in LA was a lot of mesh,tight dresses, athleisure (a trend I will forever regret falling for), and a hell of a lot of crop tops.
In an updated look from my past I decided to pair this cropped leather top with high waist velvet pants. Topping of the look with my trusty faux leather cap that I found in Tijuana and my half gloves. My favorite $2 shades. Bottoming out the look with ankle boot leather stilettos also found in Tijuana at a street shop.
Now time for the real Flashback Friday full disclosure..
When I lived in LA I was a total party girl. I came alive at night. I slept until noon. I smoked, drank way too much and was mostly focused on keeping my face looking good. Despite feeling like death inside. I lived only in the moment and had no real plan for my future. Was it fun? Sure.. Was it sustainable? Hell no! The reason I ordered the majority of my clothes online in LA was because I was too hungover most days to go shopping. I was so much paler than I am now because I barely went outside in the day. I was a total Vampire.
I had only worn this top once in the picture above posted on Social Media. It was on a night I got black out drunk at the Rainbow on Sunset and ended up at 3 different bars afterwards none of which I remember. Waking up in a bed of a stranger. Yeah..One of “those” nights. You never hear about those stories when you see pictures of people out & about looking like they have it all together. Wearing this top this week holds deeper meaning to me than just another look of the week.
This look today means not only did I survive LA and make it out of there alive (As many don’t). I learned how to survive myself. By taking care of my insides as well as my outsides I am finally taking my sobriety seriously. It’s been 1 year 4 months since I left my old lifestyle. I could not be happier right now in this moment to see how fucking far I have come.
I think it is really important to be honest about where you come from and where you’ve been. Also, to acknowledge when you’ve done something good for yourself. The work on ones self is never done. It never ends. However, it’s fundamental to recognize when you have done well for yourself personally so you can continue moving forward. Sobriety did not come easy to me. This is now my 3rd time getting sober in the past 11 years. This time I am doing all I can to make sure it sticks.
What personal style is truly about (as I try to portray in Metal Mouth Style) is that it’s not about labels or cost. It’s where you come from, what inspires you, what almost breaks you and that’s what makes you who you are today. That’s why for me when I wear clothes it’s more than something to cover my skin or show a little skin. It’s so much deeper than that. It’s everything. I’m telling you exactly who I am each and every day. The devil is in the details.